Journal entry by Barbara Bradley — Apr 23, 2012

We survived Spring Break. We stayed in town and I took the kids to the usual cheap or free stuff around town. One place we like to go is called Plaza Fiesta. For those of you that don’t know it is a HUGE indoor play area. It’s like a McDonalds play area on steroids. To be honest, this place is more about doing something Nathan enjoys because Katie can’t do any of it without my help. As all the other moms are sitting around chatting or on the phone, I am hunched over trying to help a 36 lb. kid slide, climb while not getting trampled by the other kids. Katie has fun but she can only handle 10 minutes or so of play at a time. Her stroller, a juice cup, and my cell phone are her retreat. As Katie and I were resting a bit a little girl with no sense of personal space came over and started quizzing me out of nowhere.

“What’s she chewing on?” A chew necklace. “Why?” Because she likes to chew. “What’s are THOSE?” Leg braces….why don’t you go pl….. “WHY?” They help her walk. How about you run along and go slide or jump off something. “Does she talk?” When she wants to. “Is she a bay-beeee?” Listen, Goldie Locks, I’m gonna give you a 30 second head start and then you better hope I don’t catch you. 1..2…3

Sure, I know she was only 3 years old but don’t let the adorable pig tales and Dora t-shirt fool you. That was one snarky toddler. I never knew light-up Sketchers could move so quickly. She ran to her mommy. Big baby. Of course her mom looked like she just came out of a yoga magazine photo shoot. I had no choice but to take them both out.

Katie’s doing pretty good. I had to send her speech device back. I am still in the process of a level-two appeal with her insurance but I needed to get it returned before it got lost or broken. We are still going through the Cap/C process. A nurse case manager came to the house Thursday and asked me questions for 3 1/2 hours. She will send her stuff off to the group that reviews the information and makes the decision. At least it’s in the works.

We are headed to Texas to visit my mom soon. She is under hospice care. She has cancer that she let go until it got out of hand and now there is nothing they can do for her. Living in denial has a way of catching up. The smell of death is in the air and the rats are coming out looking for their piece of the pie. Family can really suck sometimes. It should be an interesting trip. I may need to bring some rat poison.

I now share with you laughter at my own expense. I went to the doctor Friday for what I thought was a spider bite gone horrible wrong or maybe just a little flesh-eating bacteria gnawing my leg off from the inside out. I am such a complainer. Shingles! I have @&$@$)&$ shingles. I know the past few years have aged me considerably but apparently I am 37 going on 80. What’s next dementia, stroke…..ooooh, how about cataracts ?! I would rather have a flesh eating bacteria or maybe a little Ebola virus. At least that would just do me in already. How much is one person capable of handling?! Somebody just come over and hit me over the head already. I’ll pay you. Just don’t cash my check until after you kill me.

“Mrs. Bradley, you are under a lot of stress so this can happen.” What do we do? Rub tequila on it? “No, please don’t waste the tequila.” You’re right. (what a smart man) He sent me home with an antibiotic because one of the blisters looks infected and he prescribed an anti-viral medicine. Apparently this stuff will take care of your shingles, chicken pox, cold sores, scurvy and herpes. Okay, I don’t know about your scurvy but I do like using that word whenever possible for comedic purposes. I can’t even say it or think it without growling like a pirate. Made you do it. At least I can rest assured that when I have to resort to turning tricks in the subway for extra income this med will keep the herpes at bay.

To finish me off he put me on happy pills. A good friend suggested this. Only a good friend can tell you when you should be medicated. Quite honestly, I don’t know how I have made it through the last fours years without some sort of mood altering drugs other than red wine. It’s only been a few days so the only thing I have noticed are some crazy dreams. Dude, my dreams are psychedelic. The first night I dreamed a snake slithered into our bedroom. I am blind without my glasses but all night I kept watch of my brown loafers by the door waiting for them to creep into my bed. Groovy, baby….groovy. I don’t expect to stay on happy pills forever but if it helps me through the next few months or so then it’s not the end of the world.

I can think of a few situations that may have gone differently had I been medicated….. With happy pills I vow to not do the following…again:

1. Turn Plaza Fiesta into the Hunger Games arena when innocent preschoolers ask questions about Katie.

2. Hiss at the post office worker while lunging over the counter when he refuses to give me a piece of tape for my envelope that doesn’t stick. What’s a little sleeper-hold between you and and the neighborhood government employee.

3. Drive through the parking lot of Cigna’s headquarters in a Monster truck yelling expletives into a bullhorn while doing wheelies over the employees’ cars. Oops

4. Become Jack Nicholson from A Few Good Men every time I walk into an IEP meeting with the school administrators…..YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!

Gosh, I am so classy and such a fine example to my children. I make my husband so proud. I am glad I still have my pride, dignity, and self control. Now take your happy pills, people and get $&&,/@ happy! Disclaimer: no children, insurance reps, postal employees, school administrators, or yoga moms were injured in the making of this entry.