Journal entry by Barbara Bradley — May 14, 2012

At any moment you may look out your window to see a parade marching down your street. This time last week I finally got word that Katie was approved for Cap/C services and the Medicaid that goes with it. It is about time. I am still learning how it will work but this should help supplement her medical care that insurance doesn’t cover. 

The first item on our agenda is to get the process started to get her another speech device. Since hers was taken away she has coincidentally stopped saying much of anything. (Have no fears. I am still reporting Cigna for denying her device. That is not something I think is right for me to just let go if it could help other children.) It really is divine timing for this to finally come through with everything else going on. Diapers are on the way to our house as we speak. That alone will save about a million dollars a year. 

I can report the marks are still fading but my shingles are gone. I am also seeing a glimpse of the happy pills starting to calm me a bit.  There’s no magic wand. Life’s problems don’t go away but the soundtrack  playing in the backdrop does. Instead of hearing Nine Inch Nails screaming through my thoughts I might hear The Sound of Music. This is my best description:

” I’m sorry, ma’am, I know you have been waiting in line but I’m about to take my break.”(Brown paper packages tied up with string. These are a few of my favorite things.)

          ” Ok, no problem.”

“Oops, looks like I didn’t numb that tooth enough before I started drilling. Sorry.” (when the dog bites, when the bee stings…..”

           “dat oh-kay”

“Sorry, your daughter chewed on her brand new glasses.” (just when I’m feeling saaaaaaaaaaad.)

“Oh, well you didn’t actually say she was disabled. I can’t just make assumptions.” (I simply remember my favorite things and then I don’t feeeeeeeeel sooooooooo baaaaaaaad.)

We visited my mom last weekend. I had prepared myself for the worst so it wasn’t as bad as I imagined; however, she has a very hard time getting around and she does good to just go to the kitchen or get herself to the bathroom without having to stop and rest. I was so proud of the kids. Mom hadn’t seen them in about 2 1/2 years so it was good for her to spend time with them even for only a short time. Katie seemed to understand that even though she didn’t remember her Granny she seemed to know she wasn’t feeling well. I put Katie up in bed next to my mom and Katie laid her head down on her shoulder and snuggled up. Overall, the trip went well. I wish it had been under different circumstances but we needed to visit now while mom is still able to get around some and isn’t too sick to enjoy the visit.

In the spirit of my mom and the other moms out there, Happy Mother’s Day. It can certainly be a thankless job but there are some fringe benefits that can never be put into words. This year my birthday just happened to fall on Mother’s Day. This hasn’t happened since I was pregnant with my almost seven year old son. My sweet husband surprised me Friday night. He arranged for Katie’s preschool teacher to come over and sit for the kids while we went to dinner and a movie. It certainly beats a normal Friday night of leftovers and reruns of Swamp People and Storage Wars. I even brushed my hair and changed out of my yoga pants.

Like it or not, I am officially 38. Eh, guess it’s not so bad. I don’t know what I thought was gonna happen. I can’t say things are the way I imagined them to be but it ain’t over yet. All week I have been eating salsa that expired in January. You know what they say – at some point you begin to turn into your mother. 

For years we have joked that you better check expiration dates before eating anything at my mother’s house. From food to medicine you must take precautions. Once after living on my own I went to visit my parents. Upon telling mom I had a headache she reached in the cabinet for ibuprofen. With a quick glance at the outdated bottle, I noticed it expired in 1986. Down the hatch! That is one experiment I didn’t partake in. I suppose it’s just a matter of time. Today I throw caution to the wind to get my salsa fix and the next thing I know I’m harboring expired pain meds. Hopefully I have a couple more years before you find me at a stop light tweezing stray chin whiskers in the rear-view mirror. “Sunlight!”, my mother would say. “I can only see them in the natural light.”… Merciful heavens above.

We are just weeks away from the end of the school year. Next Wednesday I have to attend Katie’s last school meeting of the year. It will be her transition to Bright Beginnings. Real prek if that helps. She is currently in the EC (exceptional children’s program). She will be 5 in the Fall so this is more like a regular class to help her get ready for kindergarten. Instead of a small class of 5 special needs children she will be in a class of about 14 students with about 10 being typical children. I am very nervous about this as one can imagine. This meeting will be to determine what she needs next year to make the year successful for her. I feel that needs to include an aide but I am sure the school will feel differently. I just hope Mellow Mommy has what it takes to get her way in this meeting. It takes a tough skin and a mean streak at times to get done what I need to get done. I just pray I get one good swing in if things don’t go as planned. Good luck, Mellow Mommy.