Journal entry by Barbara Bradley — Mar 22, 2012

I am on a tear tonight, Enjoy.

Part One – This year blows…

2012 was supposed to be a better year. What the hell happened?!

Here I am driving along the border of Crazy Town. The windows on the old Odyssey are down, the air conditioner is out and I am low on fuel. The weather is humid. The air is stale. The vultures are circling. 

You are now passing through Crazy Town. My family lives here. My mother is having is at death’s door and my family is showing their true colors. I did my time there. Billy and I were the only ones to do any maintenance in Crazy Town but now that mom is sick the town is restless. Don’t swim in the water. The piranhas will eat you alive. Don’t ask for fuel or water. Even though you need it for yourself you will be asked to provide for the town. I don’t know your plan for doing so but you better figure it out. Pull your hair back and step on the gas.

If you look out your right window, you will see Debtville. You will find them intimidating at first but really they are just annoying people with accents that ask for money.  I advise you to just ignore them and keep driving. Why else do we have caller id? Smile and wave.

To the left, you will see Cigna Land – Land of the Bastards. This town is where the rich folk live. Don’t stop here. If you run out of gas or need water they will not agree that you need either.  But they will have a meeting about it if that makes you feel better. The water will not meet your deductible and the fuel is a definite exclusion from your health plan. Good luck with that but don’t lose hope; there are signs in Cigna Land directing you to the next town.

Ahead you will see Social Services. You can try to stop for gas or food here but you will first need to take a number. Then wait. Please be prepared to show your social security card, driver’s license, last 4 tax returns, check stubs and urine sample. Please take your seat and wait 90 days. Don’t call them – they will call you. Sorry, you have been denied. Sorry, but you didn’t say you needed gas. You only said you were close to empty. You really have to be clear. Please take another number and start again. But consider if you didn’t have any income and if you just had a few more children….maybe they can help.

For now, just turn the music up, reach under the seat for that stale but sticky granola bar in hiding, look in the rear view mirror at your beautiful children and step on the gas. Just keep driving before the devil knows you’re here.

Part Two – Freedom of Speech

The last I checked the right to freedom of speech applied to all Americans – even the disabled. I got the decision from the appeal I started with Cigna for her speech-generating device. They decided to uphold the original decision to deny the device only offering up a short paragraph quoting from our insurance plan that such items are excluded. Really? It took them a month telling me they needed to review all her information only to tell me that! I know what my handbook says and that was the reason for the initial denial. The purpose of an appeal is to have someone with a medical background review her history and medical necessity letters.

So much for having an advocate….She finally called me back and said she was sorry and hoped the decision would have been different but I have the right to a level two appeal. I am amazed I even remained calm. That is until she asked if Katie had any type of Medicaid. If you want me to jump on my soap box and push my buttons that is the best way to do it. I told her I wasn’t going to ask her to speak to the moral and ethical philosophy of Cigna but felt certain that is the very basis for denials like this one. They would like nothing more than for people like myself with children like Katie to get on Medicaid because certainly the government is entitled to pay for my daughter’s speech device when we have our own health insurance. They even periodically send me forms requesting if we have any other types of secondary coverage and request my signature. Why do they care? Why is it their business? They are supposed to cover what they are supposed to cover and it shouldn’t matter how the rest gets paid.

On that note, we are still going through the process of getting Katie on Cap/C which is a waiver for states to provide Medicaid to children like Katie to supplement insurance. I don’t know when or a definite if it will happen but most likely that is exactly who will be paying for her speech device – all the fine taxpayers reading my blog. Okay, now that we are all pissed off lets talk about more lighthearted topics.

Part Three – Leprechauns and Fairies

On the eve of St. Patty’s day, Nathan and I made a leprechaun trap out of a shoebox complete with a ladder, pot of gold, rainbow and trap door. I was pretty impressed with our handy work. That night Billy pulled some clovers from the yard and sprinkled them outside the box. Nathan was the first one up the next morning and Billy finds him rounding the corner to our room holding a tiny flashlight.

In a loud whisper, to not wake his sister and exclaims, “Daddy, we got one!”. We don’t know how long he had been up hovering over the box but you could tell he had thumped the box a bit to see if he could hear anything. He didn’t dare open the box because even though he wanted to see one he was freaked out about the prospect of actually catching one.

Yesterday Nathan finally lost his first tooth. This is a very big deal. After all, he was the only almost seven year old that hadn’t lost a tooth yet. All I have heard about since kindergarten is how everybody loses teeth but him while having me periodically try to wiggle his teeth for any sign one may be loose.

After lisping at me all afternoon yesterday, we delicately placed the tooth in a baggy and put it under his pillow for safekeeping. Thank goodness we actually remembered to put the dollar under his pillow. I can see how that could easily be over looked in the future.

First thing this morning I wake to him at my bedside with dollar in hand.

“Mommy, the fairy brought me a dollar!”

            “That’s great, honey, congratulations.”

“Mommy, what does she do with all the teeth? I think she plays with them. Well, she must wipe the blood off first.”

            “Not sure. I have never thought about it.”

“See my dollar? It has a pyramid and what’s that?…a shield? Yeah, think so. Remember when I helped Ms. Abbey feed the dogs? I think that’s where my five-dollar bill came from. When I put it in my piggy bank…well, actually it isn’t a pig it’s a horse so that would make it a horsey bank. When I put it in the horsey bank it got stuck. Know what? Daddy got those clamper things and pulled it out. But, mommy, not through the slot on the top. It had to come out his bottom (he whispered the word bottom)…. That poor horsey bank.” (He says while shaking his heard)

            “Poor horsey.”

“Ok, mommy, I have given you enough information. I need to eat breakfast.”

            “Do you want muffins or cereal?”

“Well, we still have muffins so I better eat them. We don’t want to hurt their feelings.”

            “Oh…..do the muffins have feelings?”

“Mommy?! Everything has feelings.”

            “What about the cereal’s feelings?”

“You’re right. You better eat cereal this morning.”

            “Ok, fine. As long as the cereal doesn’t mind if I have coffee.”

“I think coffee and cereal are friends so you’re okay.”

            “There is a God.”