Journal entry by Barbara Bradley — Mar 10, 2015

I was hoping to report a clear plan of action today. The spinal tap we hoped would be scheduled for Monday happened this afternoon. Billy is waiting to speak to the neurologist and neurosurgeon but from the initial look the test did not show an increase in pressure. To further add to the puzzle, the screaming episodes showed on the EEG as seizures but not the dilated pupils, look of panic and vomiting. Again, I know enough to worry me. I know from other parent’s that seizure activity can come from deeper in the brain and not show on an EEG. Or perhaps it’s fluid related or something else entirely. All I know is that I am over it. I just wanted an answer today.

On a good note, she got the EEG leads off yesterday so at least she has been able to get out a bit and visit the play room. 

You will have to excuse me but I am in a mood. Quite frankly, aren’t I allowed?! It’s a little hard to stay positive when there doesn’t seem to be any positivie reinforcement for being so positively happy all the time. My afternoon got a bit of extra drama – which I always need. In an effort to be productive, I ran some errands but it was too soon to pick up Nathan and not worth going home. So, I parked at a local park close to Nathan’s school. It was a nice day so I rolled down the windows and read for a bit. I am supposed to be letting go of stress right? As luck would have it, when it was time to pick up Nathan from school the van wouldn’t start. Really? Thankfully a man had just pulled up and he had jumper cables and got me started. It was just the battery. Right after school we headed straight to the auto store and got a new battery. I know that is normal, life stress and happens to everyone but enough is enough already. Nathan said during dinner tonight, “Mommy, lots of stuff happens to us.” I don’t know how to respond to that anymore. I am going to be Kim Kardashian in my next life. My only concerns will be brushing my hair, taking selfies and correctly-placed busom in fabulous attire.

I have no idea what to plan for in the coming days…..and we know I like to have a plan. Don’t worry, I know I am supposed to know that life doesn’t work that way and let it go and blah, blah blah…..I got it. It’s been “not planned” for about 7 years now. Maybe I’ll get lucky and be eaten by a bear tomorrow or fall into a large sink hole. 

I know what you are thinking. Of course THOSE things wouldn’t happen. THAT would be ridiculous. Make it known that if you see me at the bottom of a large sink hole, PLEASE LEAVE ME THERE. I will be fine. I will just enjoy some peace before the buzzards come.