2020 – A Laughing Matter

Posted on March 17, 2021March 17, 2021 by A Laughing Matter · 2 Comments

A Better Place

It has almost been a month since Katie was discharged from the hospital. Knock on wood, she is in a much better place than she has been in the last few months. We have made more medication adjustments but very slowly to decrease side effects. She is eating more and sleeping better. Her balance has improved as well.

We had a follow up last week with Neurosurgery. We haven’t been followed by them since she had her VNS implanted. With the worries about changes in the brain and CT scans from her last hospital stay, we wanted to be sure all was well and no further testing would be needed. The appointment went well and he recommended she have another quick CT scan while we were already at Duke. He wanted a scan done while she was doing well to compare to the scans done in the hospital. Thank God! Thank you all for the prayers, cards, emails and meals. We really appreciate it.

We have one more appointment at the end of the month. This will be a follow-up with the GI/Liver doctor. I am certain they will get labs done to see how the liver enzymes are behaving. I’m sure the other main reason for the appointment is to check on her reflux issues and see if she has put on some weight in the past month.

Katie has been back in school full time since mid February. The restrictions have lightened a bit to allow some in-person learning for all grades. We will see if it sticks. Roy Cooper may decide to throw another curve ball. Last week Nathan got to go Thursday and Friday. For now, the plan for the remainder of the school year is to learn virtually M-W and attend class Thursdays and Fridays. If you ask him about it he will tell you in his words “this is exhausting”. I can’t say I blame him. Getting up at 5am to shower and put on real clothes to go sit in a classroom for hours does sound pretty exhausting. Especially after waking 15 minutes before class to log on to a virtual session. The commute is 20 feet from your bedroom, the snacks are endless and you get to use your very own private bathroom. Such is life. Pre, during and post pandemic – he can say he has experienced it all and he gives in-person learning 1 star.

Many have inquired how I’m doing. I am great actually. I am glad Katie seems to be heading in the right direction and restrictions are lightening up. I have been trying to get to the gym as much as I can. Virtual learning and doctor appointments have not been very conducive to getting back in shape. I am just happy my tiny gym is open. They are only open in the mornings and the class sizes are limited but its great just to have the option of going when I can. It is usually the same 5 or 6 of us that are consistent these days.

One young mom in our small crew is there every day for at least 2 hours. I call her Gym Barbie. Gym Barbie is golden blonde and very perky. She comes with matching workout clothes and glittery bag. In her bag you will find a Premier Chocolate Protein carton, earbuds, workout gloves, towel and gallon-sized turquoise water bottle with matching turquoise straw (very environmentally friendly). Other accessories included but are sold separately: white Land Rover, treadmill, free weights and more matchy match yoga/workout clothes and shoes. She’s adorable and very fit.

Then there is me. I definitely do not have my own Barbie inspiration. If fact I barely remember how to behave in social situations. I usually shlep my way in from the parking lot fumbling with my keys, water bottle and bag. My hair is in a curly knot on top of my head. My clothes do not match. My shoes do not match my workout clothes. My sweat towel does not match my clothes or shoes. My gym bag does not match my shoes, towel or workout clothes. I hop on the exact same treadmill each and every workout. To keep myself motivated I treated myself to wireless earbuds so I can watch TV on my phone while I’m on the treadmill. I would never make it through cardio otherwise.

My show of choice for these hour long cardio sessions has been Impractical Jokers. Yes, I know that makes me very mature. If you aren’t familiar, the premise of the show is 4 guys that grew up together film each other doing ridiculous pranks. They take turns for instance working at a fast food drive-thru or the reception desk of a doctor’s office with an earpiece and have to say what the others tell them to say. If you can’t say or do what they tell you, you lose. If you lose you are punished with doing something even more outrageous. I know it sounds dumb. It is dumb. I have the maturity of a teenage boy. But in the name of working out – whatever gets the job done is what gets the job done.

The only problem I have encountered in my routine is that I forget where I am some days. A few weeks ago, I was really feeling strong and pushing myself. I was definitely in the ZONE working out and watching my show. I was feeling good. Next thing I know there was a scene that got me so tickled that I cackle laughed, snorted, peed a little and then almost went flying the back of the treadmill. Good news it I managed to keep my balance and because I’m such a hot mess anyway no one even seemed to notice or care. Yay me!

That’s all I got this time, friends. Stay tuned. Anything can happen tomorrow. The possibilities are endless. Stay well.

Posted on January 6, 2021 by A Laughing Matter

Happy New Year!… but let’s recap 2020….to remember how far we’ve come….

Happy New Year! Welcome, 2021. I admit I didn’t think we would make it to a new year. March was like 10 months long…. Am I right?!! I tread a bit lightly. That said, we got this. I don’t know what’s ahead anymore than you do but I’m feeling positive and choosing to be hopeful in this new year. Every minute of every day in every year we get that gift….a reset. Just like that. Wake up and Do better. Make good choices. Be positive. Be happy. Be hopeful. Be kind.

I’ll be the first to admit; I was winning 2020 from January til about mid March. Life was good. Billy’s job took us on a cruise. It was glorious to be on vacation with just the two of us. That never happens…ever. Then came February – Make a Wish trip to Disney. What’s better than that? Like…nothing…except perhaps the solo cruise with my husband….sigh….

Yet, here we are. March to now has been super annoying and disappointing and scary and exhausting and stressful and a lot more annoying. That said, we are well. It is okay. We had a small Thanksgiving with just my in-laws. Then came Christmas. Two weeks before winter break we got the COVID. Who knows how. We are super careful with masking and hands and social distancing…the whole sha-bang. Remember health class? Abstinence is the only 100% way to go so unless you become a recluse or build a bunker…..there is a chance you will get it.

Billy woke up and felt a cold coming on so he got tested because he knew work would want him to before returning to work and he just didn’t want to take the chance of exposing anyone. We kinda all got stuffy and congested at the same time. Low and behold he was positive. Billy had mostly chest congestion, Nathan was stuffy, I had a runny nose and lost my sense of smell (which is beyond weird by the way)…..and Katie had a runny nose and red eyes for like two days. We are thankful and blessed. It was all pretty uneventful for us; however, we quarantined ourselves at the beach for Christmas instead of seeing family. I have to admit it wasn’t the worst thing in the world to do. We spent Christmas walking the shore, eating chili and chocolate chip cookies, and playing dominoes. Not at bad way to go.

Katie. My lovely Katie. In true Katie fashion, she did not have the best Christmas break. She loves to get sick, be admitted to the hospital or have surgery during the holidays….you pick the holiday, school break or vacation, but typically near Thanksgiving or Christmas. I don’t know. She’s in charge of our family so what can I know? I just go with the flow.

Travel back in time a couple months……We went to Duke in October for her annual checkup with neurology. Low and behold, her bloodwork levels for one of her meds was really high…really high. We looked at her past few blood checks and the number had been trending upward but she was doing well so they told us that it is what it is….if they are doing well and other numbers are fine then we just monitor her. We discussed her levels and her behavior and decided to try decreasing the dose. Crazy enough, after that appointment things went down hill. All was well until a month later and she started having more seizures and her coordination was terrible and her eyes were moving uncontrolled. Not fun. Long story short, she spent most of Christmas in her stroller because she was so out of it. I followed up with them after Christmas and they decided we would decrease another med (she’s on 3 seizure meds and two of the meds can work together to make the levels even higher). Basically the combination of meds are toxic in her system and causing these issues. We can’t just lower them overnight because it may aggravate her seizures, so everyday when I give her the meds I’m basically poisoning her. At least that’s how I feel. Slow and steady. Today she finally seems to be turning a corner. Thank God because virtual, bullshit “learning” started back today. Yay!!

Now that we made to a new year, let’s have a little fun. I kept a “diary” of our first 90 days of quarantine. I know we are not out of the woods yet. We have ways to go but let’s go back in time and remember where we were.

I give to you The Quarantine Chronicles…..

March 16, 2020 Congratulations! If you are reading this you have survived Day 1 of Quarantine. Tonight’s wine is a decadent red blend that combines bold fruit flavors with just a tinge of antibacterial. Take a moment to relax and enjoy your wine because you get to do this all over again tomorrow. Word on the street this could last until August.

March 17, 2020 Congratulations! If you are reading this you have survived Day 2 of COVID-19 Quarantine. Virtual school officially starts tomorrow for my high school freshman. I’m not sure if this is going to help or hurt but we are about to find out. Much to his dismay it actually starts at the same bell schedule. No more sleeping til 9am. Sorry Buddy. Katie on the other hand, has worksheets and we are doing lessons on her iPad. Not too bad actually but it’s early days. She narrowly missed stabbing me with a sharp Ticonderoga #2 but she also bit me so there’s that. I’m still recovering from yesterday when I strained a muscle doing the cha cha slide.

On to the main reason for my post, today’s drink comes from the luck of the Irish. Don’t go kissing anybody but you can share a Lucky Leprechaun shot with them. It’s a fruity shot that a leprechaun might enjoy on a Tropical beach vacation (pre-quarantine of course). Part coconut, part pineapple, part rum…all good.

March 18, 2020 Congratulations! If you are reading this you have survived Day 3 of Quarantine. (Let’s begin with some sage advice; if you are pregnant right now or in the near future please don’t name your baby Corona or Quarantini or the like. Just don’t.) I don’t know about you but the wheels are starting to come off. I filed a grievance with HR (aka me) against my daughter for taking off her bra mid-lesson and having a meltdown during bath. Unacceptable! Today, we learned our lessons via chrome book and iPad. My personal favorite was teaching math and fine motor skills with wine corks. I’ve been waiting for this moment to shine. I’ve been preparing for this for quite awhile.

I can’t leave without the drink of the day. Let’s go with a light, buttery Chardonnay. It’s crisp with notes of pear and is a tribute to the warming weather. Stay safe. No really, stay safe. If necessary lock yourself in the bathroom. They eventually find you but you can usually have a few minutes of solitude.

March 19, 2020 Congratulations! If you are reading this, you have survived Day 4 of Quarantine. I know this is hard to fathom but we haven’t even made it through a whole week yet. Katie kept her clothes on but she drew on my arm, licked me, and reset the fridge somehow to make it ask for my USB? Jokes on me cuz I barely know what that means and I certainly didn’t think my fridge was smarter than me…than I?? So glad I’m homeschooling since I barely have any brain cells left.

Nathan is kinda enjoying this homeschooling. He told me this morning he didn’t have time to talk because he had a meeting. Well, la tee da. Go to your meeting. I have to admit not having to wake up with the chickens has not been terrible. It’s been kinda nice to have the kids playing together. I heard them cracking up and Katie was knocking on his door. He would answer and then pretend to fart on her Hey, they were out of my hair for a bit so fart away kids. Drink of the day, Corona. A nice cold beer is always a great choice.

March 20, 2020 Congratulations! If you are reading this, you have survived Day 5 of the Quarantine. So how’s it going? I’m still feeling this whole thing out. In only a matter of 10 minutes with both kids up, Katie had Nathan in a chokehold. It was a day of stop-touching- your-brother. Please don’t lick me. Put that down. Don’t eat the play doh. Don’t say mommy. Stop saying mommy. After saying Mommy 4,347 times and having a meltdown, I made her take a nap. That’s right. Homeschool boss says nap time is on the schedule today.

In other very exciting news, I told Nathan he could sleep in a bit but as the hour approached 10am I went to wake him. His entire floor was covered in LEGO’s and he’s sound asleep. He takes after me and walks in his sleep. He didn’t remember a thing. That poor boy gets all of my worst traits On the bright side he has been building all day. The drink of the day is one of my personal favorites the Moscow mule. Ginger beer, lime juice and vodka.

March 23, 2020 Congratulations if you are reading this you have survived Day 1 of week two Quarantine. I’m not gonna keep up with consecutive days at this point because this may go on for who knows how long. Plus, I don’t want to be like one of those moms you meet at the bus stop that tells you little Joey is 47 months old. I’m like

uh…does he still poop his diaper or is he in grad school cuz I don’t really like math.

Heee heee, you’re so funny. No, silly he’s…..Stop.

Nevermind. Stop talking. We can’t be friends. Go away. I’m an introvert.

The governor announced school is out until May 15th. MAY FIFTEENTH Twenty Twenty. Remember when we were all like “yay 2020 is gonna rock! It’s like a totally new decade.” Totally, dude. Well, we were wrong. Giddy up, cuz it just got real y’all. Today was similar to last week but in the next few days virtual learning is going to ramp up. Nathan has been building with legos all day and Katie has asked for snacks all day. I’m not your personal chef. Ok, actually I am.

Nathan did a great job playing with her this morning. He connects his phone to her radio Bluetooth and they have a dance party. He made her a “Katie’s Quarantine Playlist” full of Cha cha slide, the chicken dance, and Who let the dogs out?. She is having a tough time because she loves to go. Anywhere. But she can’t. The best part of her day was getting to FaceTime with her Pastor Paul.

Stay safe out there. Who am I kidding? Stay safe IN there. Remember how cute they were as babies? It’s not luck, it’s science. It’s so you don’t eat your young.

March 24, 2020 Congratulations! If you are reading this, you have survived Day 2 of your second week of Quarantine. A Stay-at-home order was announced today for us here in NC for 21 days. Basically, the things you are already doing as suggested are now required. Oh snap. For me personally, as long as I can get to my prescriptions, groceries, doctor appointments, and my booze….I’m golden. Which has me thinking about a little game…Would you rather…be quarantined for 6 months or do a week of hard time?….a week on Naked and Afraid….live vegan for a year….move to a tiny house …..shave your eyebrows. Honestly, I could do this all night. The drink of the day is one of my favorite red wines Apothic Inferno. (Message me for my address for your shipping ease) It’s aged in whisky barrels for 60 days.

March 25, 2020 Congratulations! If you are reading this you have survived Week 2, Day 3 of Quarantine. Just when I thought Katie and I were getting into a groove, she didn’t want to learn squat today. Oh well, I’m not a miracle worker. There was also a lot of “don’t throw your placemat on the floor”, “don’t touch your brother”, “don’t lick me”, “no more snacks”, “can we learn something today”. At one point she got out the microphone and sang the National Anthem at the top of her lungs then pretended she was an announcer. Please welcome….. Mommy!!!! WHOOOOHOOOO! Please welcome Bubby!!! YAYYYYY!!! She may have a career as a game show host.

So, I got out today. It was legal. I went to CVS and the drive thru was ridiculous so I went inside and braved the world. The entire floor was taped out by six feet sections. So we all stood on our spaces and moved forward pace by pace. We wore masks. We didn’t speak. We looked at the floor….at our squares. It felt very Hunger Games. On a good note, the weather was great today so I took a nice walk in the neighborhood. I saw some comforting sights. There were women jogging in sync six feet apart of course, two guys were siting on a porch playing the guitar, and families were out riding bikes and coloring the sidewalks with chalk. Stay the course. Hoping and praying this is all over soon. Tonight – drink of your choosing. Choose well.

March 26, 2020Congratulations! If you are reading this you have survived Week 2, Day 4 of Quarantine. I still haven’t quite accepted this new normal yet here we are. Katie had a more productive day so that is a plus. We worked on writing skills and math. Nathan even did some teaching. He taught her to say coronavirus. There was a lot of giggling so I don’t think much was accomplished but I was able to get a few things done.

Highlight of the day – I scored some toilet paper and one roll of paper towels I was beginning to think the USA was all out. I was secretly cursing all the hoarders with runny do-do. I’m not proud. It’s as if the universe is telling us Sorry, folks, stay home and now you shall be homesteaders. Buy a cow, build a coup for some chickens , plant a garden, hunt, gather…make fire ! Wash clothes in the river? See, I’m set up to fail already. I don’t hunt or gather. I can not keep plants alive much less a garden. I can barely sew on a button. I got nothin’. No useful skills. I don’t want to live in the 1900’s I need my instapot and my air fryer and my washer and dryer!! I like running water and food from the store AND toilet paper. And TargetI want to live back in days when this great nation under God had TOILET PAPER Pity party over. Are you wearing purple today? Today is National Epilepsy Awareness Day. Knock on wood but we have been in the process of increasing one of Katie’s seizure medications over the last 3 weeks and we are seeing improvement

March 30, 2020 Congratulations! If you are reading this, you have entered your 3rd week of Quarantine. How’s everyone doing? The Bradley home is taking it day by day. We are actually experts at that. I’ve learned with Katie to get some learning in right after breakfast before we start annoying the living daylights out of each other. Even then she has a very short attention span. After two worksheets she informed me “all done homework, good job Katie”.

I’ve just given in to letting her eat the limited edition Mickey Mouse goldfish for breakfast every day. Whatever. She really thinks I’m her personal chef. Even when I’m trying to be patient and do as I’m told she plays games with me. Katie, do you want a sandwich? No, pizza (bakes pizza) Here’s your pizza. No fanks.. WHAT?? Want ham-anger with cheese and goldfish.

Today I have uttered the phrases, I’m telling Dad!!!!!!, Do not lick me!!!, and Keep your shirt on!!! As a sidebar, we are all about to find out just how ugly we are. In a few more weeks, I’m gonna see what my natural hair color is….haven’t seen it in about 20 years so this could get interesting. Stay safe out there. Drink of the day, margarita – no salt!

April 3, 2020 Let’s do this. If you are reading this, you have survived week 3 of Quarantine. I’m aiming for weekly posts at this point. My life is not that exciting these days. How is everyone doing? You know what you get after spending a hour and a half cleaning the blinds and windows in ONE room? Nothing. It’s pretty much unsatisfying and thankless. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. None of the neighbors are walking by saying “hey, have you seen the Bradley’s blinds?” Nope.

Pretty much same routine around here. Trying to feed and educate the young. I’m starting to lose track of time. I think we finally made it to April. January…. ah January. A time of renewal and self reflection. I went on two trips in January. Life was looking good. March came and I joined a gym and worked out everyday for two weeks. Then it all went to hell.

Grandma, tell us again about the time someone got cooties and breathed on everyone. Remember? Lots of people got sick so the King said everyone should stay home and grow their own food but not to worry because America was great. (But conveniently some of the king’s men sold off some stock right before the cooties came to America) Then mommy went crazy because she was tired of zoom meetings and teaching us and then the world ran out of toilet paper??? Remember, Grandma?? Please tell us again.

So I’ve been wondering this week. What are our hygiene requirements? Other than washing our hands? Do I have to wear real clothes? Shave? One thing I know, we are all gonna be looking a bit rough by the time this is over. I’ve decided to start training Katie to cut hair. She needs to start earning her keep anyway. Stayed tuned. Let us know if you need a trim. Stay safe. Drink of the day is vodka and soda. Stop wasting my time.

May 1, 2020 Alright it’s been a bit so let’s get to it. If you are reading this you have survived week…ugh..47 of your Quarantine? I have lost track but consider yourselves survivors. How is everyone? I’m doing Friday night right now. This includes a coloring book, wine, Naked and Afraid (don’t judge you know I have a weird obsession), then it will be time for Dateline. My goal in life right now is to eat Mexican food in a real restaurant. That’s it. I promise I will never say it’s too people-y outside ever again.

Tonight’s post is in honor of my sweet son Nathan. We have been learning life skills during these quarantine days. Lord knows I don’t do math so I shall teach him how to remove a stain or make meatloaf. He’s been doing yard work, dishes, and laundry. He’s helped Billy work on the roof of our deck and paint. This process has made me chuckle for sure. Let me tell you it’s an open slate to work with.

I’ll leave you with this: a lesson in laundry. Nathan has been doing his laundry for a couple weeks. This has included his sister’s laundry. Not because I asked him to but because he is emotionally intelligent enough to know that she can’t do her own laundry and it would be helpful to me if he took that over. He called out to me yesterday from the laundry room and said “now I know what these slits are for”. He had freshly folded and hung all of Katie’s sports bras on hangers. It was all I could do not to laugh. Yes, sweet boy, that’s what those slits could be for. Drink of the night is a shot of vodka. (in freezer on the second shelf)

May 8th, 2020 Congratulations! If you are reading this you have survived 60 days of Coronavirus Quarantine. First off, I’m sorry for what I said under quarantine arrest. I promise to go back to puppies and rainbows and that one sparkly unicorn You know that one with the glitter that shoots right out of his butt. Yup.

Starting…tomorrow tonight I’m still feeling blah about all this so here you go.Are you ready for normal? I am. Things are going to start loosening up soon in NC but I must admit it doesn’t make a lot of sense. Malls are going to open. I’m not sure how different this is from shopping at Walmart or Target which have been open. I don’t get it….but I could get a spray tan if I wanted to but I can’t get my haircut in my tiny, one room salon with just me and my hairdresser.

Again, many of you are ready for normal. Bless your hearts. That’s adorable. By the end of the week you will be assigned to your Hunger Games District. There are 12 districts in total…well actually 13 but that’s a long story. From the top, District 1 makes luxury items for the Capital so they are deemed to be important and are the wealthiest. District 2 manufactures weapons and are also upperclass. Moving down the line, the lower districts include District 11 with agriculture and District 12 is coal. Yep, you guessed it; your class rank and wealth are pretty much squat by the time you get to the Coal District. Sorry Charlie, you get what you get and you don’t pitch a fit. If you would like to express a concern about your given District, please contact…..ugh.. the man…woman in charge….I’m sure they/them can help. Eh, I don’t know. Pick a pronoun and hope for the best. Its really gonna suck if no one is in charge or knows anything but I’m sure it’s fine.

Good luck, friends. May the odds be in your favor. To all the beautiful mamas out there, Happy Mother’s Day It may look different this year. Gosh, I hope we don’t have to shop for and cook our own dinner. Eh, sorry. This may not be your best Mother’s Day but it will be……Okay-ish. Yay you! Have more vodka… make it a double.

Posted on November 30, 2020 by A Laughing Matter

A week of Hope

Here we are. We made it to Thanksgiving….2020 style but hey, it counts. We survived. Whether you ordered in and celebrated small, had a large, homemade family feast, or cheered your loves virtually, I hope you were able to enjoy this time together. A time to laugh, go back for a second helping and reflect on everything to be Thankful for this year.

Today is officially the first Sunday of Advent: A Week of Hope. My little family of four read the passage for today’s message as we lit the first candle. The candle of hope. What does that word mean to you? HOPE: a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. I feel personally close to this word. This week marks the anniversary of Katie’s first brain surgery. It’s hard to believe it has been a decade ago. When I go back to that time I am so thankful I continued to journal. In the dark, still moments to the bright triumphs of a breakthrough in the form of a smile or a first step. If you are new to my blog or maybe you have only read a few entries, this is a good week to start with and work you way forward.

Happy Thanksgiving

Journal entry by Barbara Bradley — Nov 25, 2010 Happy Thanksgiving! I know this update comes late. Katie had meds due at 11pm so instead of risking waking her and her not going back to sleep I kept her up. I got an email today from either Barnes and Noble or Borders with the subject line: Tomorrow is…

by A Laughing Matter July 28, 2020August 16, 2020

Posted on November 19, 2020March 17, 2021 by A Laughing Matter

A Covid Thanksgiving!

I’ll give you an easy out….this post is in good humor but I do mention Covid and Biden and even the Bible (WHAT?!) So if that offends you, off you go. The rest of you, have fun. I think we all need a laugh right now.

So I had my boobs checked today. Very important but equally uncomfortable at the same time. As I waited in my tiny changing room for Jessica AKA The Boob Crusher to come get me, I wrote a little poem. (Interestingly, I do a lot of writing at doctor offices and hospital rooms. That’s where I wrote Dream Big Henry!” Believe it or not, Thanksgiving is next week.

What’s Thanksgiving mean to you? For many of us, Thanksgiving usually includes feasting, four-day weekends, football, stretchy pants and a drunk Uncle. Oh and some quality time with our family and friends. For me, it’s also the gateway to Christmas festivities. You may now put up the tree and lights…..or turn on the ones you didn’t take down last year. Either way, proceed.

According to lore, Thanksgiving began as the celebration of a bountiful harvest. It was – and still is – a time to reflect and give thanks through a meal shared with friends and loved ones.

How does the Bible weigh in? This is possibly the best way to look at Thanksgving for 2020. I think we all need to hear this:

Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the Peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Disclaimer: As we approach the holidays please continue to make good choices. Wear masks, wash your hands and don’t get right up in people’s space. Other than that, despite what any politician or the like tells you……there is not a single other thing you can do right now. So please, spend time with your family and be grateful for the time with them as you meditate on all your many blessings. Don’t stay home alone. It is a proven fact that we need fellowship. It’s a part of our DNA. We need each other. I fear any leader that says the opposite. That said, take a breather and stop being afraid to live. Like it or not, this is going to be around for a while. (If I’m raising your blood pressure, why have daycares been open this entire time?…hmmm. How much closer can you get to a petri dish than a daycare? Points to ponder. But yes, widespread fear in panic is where it’s at.)

Now to the fun part, after all that introduction….I didn’t write a thesis or anything novel-worthy. Just a poem. A poem written pre-mammogram in a tiny gown. A poem for you. A poem for me. A poem to be read in the cadence of Santa Claus in Coming to Town.

Ohhhhh......You better watch out,  you better not shout,
the Covid police are all about.
Biden's sending them to your home.

They see you when you're eating, they know you're having fun.
They know you can't make decisions, so he'll tell you how it's done.

Oh, wear that mask and wash those hands,
you thought you made Thanksgiving plans.
Biden's coming to ruin your day...."Come on man."

When Grandpa starts the carving and wants to say amen,
it better not be a turkey....
But just a little hen.
They recommend you zooming and staying home alone.
You may as well build that bunker, and sit your ass at home.

All kidding aside, I'm just having fun.
This year please remember, it's been quite the one.
So do your day as you wish,
and eat your favorite dish.
But don't forget to close the blinds,
Because the dems recommend that we snitch. (look it up)

Posted on August 29, 2020 by A Laughing Matter

Can you put yourself on MUTE?!

Week 2: Remote learning, Anywhere, USA

Hello, how is everyone? Can you hear me? Can you see me? You are on mute. You and NOT on mute. Can everyone PLEASE put yourself on mute. Sara, is that your Grandmother in the kitchen? Can you ask her to put pants on? Stop touching your sister, please. Alright, before we get started lets stand up, move around and stretch. Ok class, it’s time to come back. Class? Please sit down. I need to share my screen. How do I share my screen? Am I doing it? Sorry, I’m trying to put some of you in a break out session. Don’t touch anything! Did I do it? Can you see me? Where did you go? Wait, where did I go? Can you see me now? You have to take yourself off mute. Ugh, lets take another break.

Are we having fun yet? Just remember…..We are all in this together. Be patient. Be kind. Help support each other. Rise up to the occasion. Think positive. Give grace. Forget PANdemic – we CANdemic. Gag….me…please!!!! I can’t even get through reading that without rolling my eyes.

Give it a week, they said. Just a few hiccups. Zoom was down but now it’s back. Think of online ticket sales for a Bon Jovi concert – every red-blooded American logged on at the same time and crashed the innerweb. If you are a parent to a school aged child, you are in virtual hell right now….virtually 5 days a week for HOURS. Ok, to be fair this is only Day 5 of Week 2. I’m nothing if not dramatic. I wanted to add in some stats about how many children are learning remotely right now because of continued Covid-19 safety measures but I don’t think anyone reading my posts comes to me for numbers and stats and pie charts. You can do your own research but it’s like a bajillion at least.

My son Nathan is a sophomore. He is your average, run of the mill, easy-going, smart kid. He can organize his To Do:’s, take notes, ask questions, and is tech-savvy. If he has to ride this virtual wave through the entire semester, he will be fine. Sure there is the social aspect but academically it will be ok for the short term. He has a roof over his head, internet access, food in the fridge, school supplies and parents vested in his success.

Unfortunately, not all students have this. Schools here are still working out the kinks to get kids computers and help everyone get internet access. The struggle is real. Buses are being used to deliver meals and teachers and staff are spinning on overdrive to keep all the gears turning. I heard this soon after the quarantine began; “We may all be in this together but we are not in the same boat.” Well said. If you can afford private school tuition, your child is most likely getting in-person live lessons in a school building with desks and chairs and books and smart boards. The rest of us are just trying to get by and make the best of Education: 2020. Not every student has a parent that can work from home. They may not even know where rent money is coming much less how to orchestrate an in-home school environment. Many are not familiar with technology and may be confused by all the links to access the information necessary to learn. Perhaps they have multiple children of different ages and abilities all trying to have zoom meetings around the kitchen table. All the while with a new baby crying in the background and an elderly parent that also needs attention. Distractions and clutter galore. Complete mayhem. Mission impossible.

My 7th grade daughter’s virtual experience has been quite a learning experience for both of us. Katie is in an Exceptional Children (EC) classroom with only special needs children and trained special needs teachers and aides. Lord, pray my strength. These children may have physical disabilities, social and emotional problems, learning disabilities, chronic medical issues or overall global delays like my daughter.

Thankfully, I am able to be here for her. She can’t logon to the computer, use the mouse, or get herself on to her virtual lessons. She has no idea if she is on mute or not or even what that means. Once I get her logged in, the challenge continues. Not every parent is able to sit side by side for their child’s lessons. In addition to having special learning needs, these kids may be alone in their room trying to access learning by themselves. Some families experience a language barrier that only increases the learning gap more. Special needs children especially have trouble paying attention and staying engaged watching a computer screen for hours a day.

In addition to receiving synchronous and asynchronous (stay with me) virtual lessons, these kids get related services that may include physical or speech therapy to name just a few. A speech therapy session isn’t so hard to imagine as a virtual lesson but other therapies take on a new set of obstacles. Katie receives physical, occupational, vision therapy and orientation and mobility sessions. Simply put, an example of what one of these sessions may look like could be an 8 minute Zoom meeting. Physical therapy over the computer. I’ll be honest, I’m still sitting on 2 emails from school therapists because I know what they entail. Remote therapy sessions. Graphics of how complete a strength exercise with a caption under each picture. Translation: Mom therapy. Mom is now teacher, friend, disciplinarian, school nurse and therapist.

The most critical therapy for Katie right now is physical therapy because of her new leg orthotic. Thankfully I have the means to take her to outpatient therapy so she doesn’t fall behind in mobility during this unique time we are all living in. Make no mistake: not all kids have this option. These kids need to be in school. They need staff trained to work with their unique needs. They crave seeing their teachers and friends. The can’t wait for the bus to pick them up. They can’t wait to “order” from the cafeteria lady and throw away their own trash. They can’t wait to raise a hand and answer a question or tell a joke and get a laugh.

This is no one’s fault. It is what it is and we are all doing our best. I don’t know the right answer and I am so glad I am not in charge. It’s a balance between keeping kids and staff safe and getting back to in-person learning.

Just to mention, I personally know some of you are loving remote learning so much that you have decided to homeschool. Your kids are thriving and you found a new love of teaching your kids the curriculum you want on your terms. My hat is off to you! I have a couple students to drop off on your doorstep. Just kidding…no, really.