Posted on March 16, 2023 by A Laughing Matter

Next Steps

Yesterday I took Katie back to Vanderbilt for a follow-up. We had hoped her PET Scan/EEG would have given more comprehensive data but her condition and prior surgeries make the test difficult to pinpoint anything. We knew this may be the case but I was hoping we might get lucky. As suspected her right frontal lobe isn’t firing as it should. Her case was discussed at conference. Conclusion: More data needed. More testing

Next steps are for the pediatric neurosurgeon and the adult neurosurgeon need to connect after spring break but most likely we are looking at a stereo EEG. This is a more invasive EEG to better pinpoint where the seizures a generating from.

On a fantastic note, She has not had a seizure in 3 1/2 weeks. What a relief. We had gotten back to a place of 20-30 per day so this has been a nice break. A part of me wanted the neurologist to say, “Let’s just put things on hold for now.”But we know the big picture. We have seen time and time again over the past 15 years that she will have a honeymoon period after a procedure or med change. Sometimes they last a few months. Sometimes they last a few years. It is what it is. The RNS procedure is mostly likely going to be what changes her outlook longterm. We are pressing forward and hoping to get the next testing in another month or so.

Today is day three of Spring Break. The boys are working so it’s just me and my shadow. We always have a love/annoy relationship going but after a day long rode trip…..she is on my last nerve. God love her. Bless her heart. Bless my heart. God help me. 5 hours in the van. All day. She napped on the way so lucky me. Headphones in. Crime podcast on. One the way back….not so lucky. She loves to lean forward and pull my hair or pull my seatbelt and try to choke me out. It’s real. All the while laughing hysterically. The other annoyance is she constantly wants to change out her DVD. She has a couple CD holders to organize them and she will flip through and perch the next movie on my shoulder to change it out. It’s like driving with a monkey.

So that’s the scoop. No fun Spring Break for us but hopefully we have lots of seizure free days coming. If you want to read more about her next text click the link below.

Stereoelectroencephalography (SEEG)

SEEG is the surgical implantation of electrodes into the brain in order to better localize the seizure focus. At UPMC, we use robotic assistance with ROSA® to accurately and efficiently place the electrodes for seizure mapping. Dr. Gonzalez was the first epilepsy surgeon in the US to offer SEEG and has performed over 1000 cases. He is also a pioneer of robotic-assisted neurosurgery, which improves accuracy and shortens surgery time.

https://www.neurosurgery.pitt.edu/centers/epilepsy/seeg

Posted on March 13, 2021March 17, 2021 by A Laughing Matter · 3 Comments

Pepe’ le PEE-EW!

We are now a year out from the lockdown. Covid. Pandemic. Quarantine. Virtual living. Zoom. Masks. Wash hands. Stay home. Create. Write. Imagine. Learn. Ponder. Reconsider.

The question now as vaccines are being rolled out across the nation many of us are wondering the same thing…….When will we go back to normal? I thought that’s what we all were hoping for. What’s “normal”? What if we can never get back to “normal”. Do we settle for a “new normal”? eh, maybe not. For those of you that spent the past year hidden in the bunker with Joe, now even the word “normal” itself is offense. Just the mention of Normal. Usual. Typical. A standard used to measure. Now “they” feel excluded. We have had this time to think and question and learn and this is where we have chosen to land. In my opinion, we wasted our time.

The labels mom, dad, sister, brother, aunt, uncle……..these labels offend. Read a Dr. Seuss book to your child (offspring?)….how dare you. Watch a classic Pepe’ le pew cartoon with your Grandbaby (older parent of a child with own small person that has not yet chosen a pronoun?) I don’t know the appropriate adjectives anymore. The point is, you are putting unnecessary ideas into the minds of children.

Now Dove, the beauty soap for sensitive skin and recommended by dermatologist since the 1950’s has been in the news recently. Unilever, the company that owns Dove soap just announced that it will no longer us the word “normal” on its projects or in any ad campaigns. A recent study showed use of the word makes people feel excluded. So now, we find ourselves offended by soap advertisements. Many of our ancestors came here on a crowed boat with the clothes on their back, a dollar in their pocket and not a word of english…….fast forward…….I’m so glad they did that so we could voice our freedom of speech to cancel cartoon characters, children’s books, labels for mom and dad, and now soap ads. I don’t really know what to say. I’m a just white, Christian. I can’t see beyond my privilege. Help me.

I have decided to create my own line of soaps with my own advertising campaign. You are gonna love to hate it. A portion of all proceeds goes to help the child labor we use to manufacture our products. Those ethnic children work hard and save us a shit-ton on labor. You can feel good knowing you are helping children in need.

Are you ready to hear about it?…..drum roll, please……..it’s called Everybody Stinks!!! This is a nod to the children’s book Everybody Poops. I think this book is still being published. I think everybody still poops but this could be offending someone.

This normal, all-natural line of liquid soaps and bars are for ANYONE and EVERYONE. We mean EVERYONE! (the gays, straights, hims, hers, theys, thems, whities, blacks, yellows, browns, jews, bi-racials, rich, poor, homeless, atheists, Christians, men that identify as women, woman attracted to men that identify as women, feminists, racists, British, the Harikrishnas, flat-chested, bald, stupid, fat assed, vegetarian, babies, mentally unstable, Tom Cruise, old, those that wear a side part and skinny jeans, methodist, normal, not normal, liberal, Justin Timberlake, conservative, illegals, and even the vegans…Don’t forget the vegans – haven’t they given up enough?) Rest assured – Our products are always offensive and never normal. We hope you enjoy then….or not….we don’t really give a f&^%.

To all the “boy moms” out there (sorry…female caregiver persons with or without a uterus), we get you. You beg. You plead. Once your baby becomes a teen they refuse to take a bath more than once a week or after a lot of ball busting from mom-caregiver-person. We have an affordable, economic, Cosco sized pump bottle of soap for your teen son called……. You Stink! It smells of axe body spray and the instructions read: Use daily – Wash all your parts. Rinse. Repeat. Hug your female caregiver that birthed you.

For you lucky bitches that still have adorable babies, we have a baby line just for you. Check out – Your Baby’s Ugly! It’s both gentle to the skin and hydrating. Not every baby can be cute but they can all be clean! Of course, we aren’t talking about your baby. Your baby is adorable. We are about accepting and cleaning all babies….even the adopted babies. Babies can’t help that they aren’t cute and normal.

For all the tree huggers out there, we have not forgotten about you. Our Hippie line was made special for you crunchy, fresh-faced, organic kale lovers. You will love – Patchouli Pits! This all natural, normal bar is made with essential oils and positive vibes. You can wash those pits already and get back to meditating and not shaving. Who has time for that shit anyway?

How about the Feminists?! We know you’re oppressed bitches that hate men but damnit you can still be clean. We got you. We have a bar just for you…. Roar! This soap cleans and moisturizes in one step so you can get back doing more for less. Wash up, buttercup! Those dishes will still be in the sink when you’re done.

Moving on. In this day and age a gender neutral line is a must. Meet Only Human! – Looks like soap. Smells like soap. This neutral, normal, nothing smelling, average body wash is for hooters, cooters, ding dongs, thingamajigs, thingamajobs and more!!!!….no one cares..just pick a stall and go pee already..honestly….just take a shower already so I don’t have to smell your neutral ass.

You know what has been missing in our lives? Trump. Honestly, the news misses talking about him. SNL has run out of material. Twitter has never been so boring. We have the soap for you MAGA friends – Angry Orange! Our orange bar soap exfoliates, cleans and tans all in one! You can’t get more offensive or more bang for your ‘merican buck! Yee-yee!

We can’t have a Trump bar without having a Biden bar. That would be more offensive than anything and everything that could possibly be offensive to anyone that ever lived at anytime. Sleep my Pretty! This calming lavender scent will help you relax and make you forget who and where you are. You won’t be able to read from a teleprompter if you try. This product also comes in a shampoo. You will have creepy, old men sniffing your hair after just one wash. This bar is our only product made in China. Free to all. No ID necessary. Just keep your complaints to yourself.

Who has been the center of the most popular memes in 2021? Bernie! Bernie and his multi-colored mittens. He actually became endearing and gained some new followers. Don’t worry. We have a special edition 2021 Bernie bar. Meet, No Soap for You! This small, fragrance-free ration-sized bar of motel-quality, harsh soap comes weekly. Right to your section of the government housing duplex you share with Martinez family! When it’s your family’s turn to shower, you are gonna LOVE this soap. We can guarantee you will be exactly as clean as everyone else in the entire nation. Socialism rules!

Everyone Stinks! can’t sign off with out mentioning our first and most popular soap – Our original, best selling bar soap for white people – Shame on You! This top selling bar is the perfect balance of clean, shame and guilt .You can get clean but also be reminded of how privileged and unfair your very existence is to others.

Now get cleaned up so you can get back out there and find more things to be offended by!

Disclaimer: This post is meant to offend any and every person equally and exactly the same.

Posted on January 6, 2021 by A Laughing Matter

Happy New Year!… but let’s recap 2020….to remember how far we’ve come….

Happy New Year! Welcome, 2021. I admit I didn’t think we would make it to a new year. March was like 10 months long…. Am I right?!! I tread a bit lightly. That said, we got this. I don’t know what’s ahead anymore than you do but I’m feeling positive and choosing to be hopeful in this new year. Every minute of every day in every year we get that gift….a reset. Just like that. Wake up and Do better. Make good choices. Be positive. Be happy. Be hopeful. Be kind.

I’ll be the first to admit; I was winning 2020 from January til about mid March. Life was good. Billy’s job took us on a cruise. It was glorious to be on vacation with just the two of us. That never happens…ever. Then came February – Make a Wish trip to Disney. What’s better than that? Like…nothing…except perhaps the solo cruise with my husband….sigh….

Yet, here we are. March to now has been super annoying and disappointing and scary and exhausting and stressful and a lot more annoying. That said, we are well. It is okay. We had a small Thanksgiving with just my in-laws. Then came Christmas. Two weeks before winter break we got the COVID. Who knows how. We are super careful with masking and hands and social distancing…the whole sha-bang. Remember health class? Abstinence is the only 100% way to go so unless you become a recluse or build a bunker…..there is a chance you will get it.

Billy woke up and felt a cold coming on so he got tested because he knew work would want him to before returning to work and he just didn’t want to take the chance of exposing anyone. We kinda all got stuffy and congested at the same time. Low and behold he was positive. Billy had mostly chest congestion, Nathan was stuffy, I had a runny nose and lost my sense of smell (which is beyond weird by the way)…..and Katie had a runny nose and red eyes for like two days. We are thankful and blessed. It was all pretty uneventful for us; however, we quarantined ourselves at the beach for Christmas instead of seeing family. I have to admit it wasn’t the worst thing in the world to do. We spent Christmas walking the shore, eating chili and chocolate chip cookies, and playing dominoes. Not at bad way to go.

Katie. My lovely Katie. In true Katie fashion, she did not have the best Christmas break. She loves to get sick, be admitted to the hospital or have surgery during the holidays….you pick the holiday, school break or vacation, but typically near Thanksgiving or Christmas. I don’t know. She’s in charge of our family so what can I know? I just go with the flow.

Travel back in time a couple months……We went to Duke in October for her annual checkup with neurology. Low and behold, her bloodwork levels for one of her meds was really high…really high. We looked at her past few blood checks and the number had been trending upward but she was doing well so they told us that it is what it is….if they are doing well and other numbers are fine then we just monitor her. We discussed her levels and her behavior and decided to try decreasing the dose. Crazy enough, after that appointment things went down hill. All was well until a month later and she started having more seizures and her coordination was terrible and her eyes were moving uncontrolled. Not fun. Long story short, she spent most of Christmas in her stroller because she was so out of it. I followed up with them after Christmas and they decided we would decrease another med (she’s on 3 seizure meds and two of the meds can work together to make the levels even higher). Basically the combination of meds are toxic in her system and causing these issues. We can’t just lower them overnight because it may aggravate her seizures, so everyday when I give her the meds I’m basically poisoning her. At least that’s how I feel. Slow and steady. Today she finally seems to be turning a corner. Thank God because virtual, bullshit “learning” started back today. Yay!!

Now that we made to a new year, let’s have a little fun. I kept a “diary” of our first 90 days of quarantine. I know we are not out of the woods yet. We have ways to go but let’s go back in time and remember where we were.

I give to you The Quarantine Chronicles…..

March 16, 2020 Congratulations! If you are reading this you have survived Day 1 of Quarantine. Tonight’s wine is a decadent red blend that combines bold fruit flavors with just a tinge of antibacterial. Take a moment to relax and enjoy your wine because you get to do this all over again tomorrow. Word on the street this could last until August.

March 17, 2020 Congratulations! If you are reading this you have survived Day 2 of COVID-19 Quarantine. Virtual school officially starts tomorrow for my high school freshman. I’m not sure if this is going to help or hurt but we are about to find out. Much to his dismay it actually starts at the same bell schedule. No more sleeping til 9am. Sorry Buddy. Katie on the other hand, has worksheets and we are doing lessons on her iPad. Not too bad actually but it’s early days. She narrowly missed stabbing me with a sharp Ticonderoga #2 but she also bit me so there’s that. I’m still recovering from yesterday when I strained a muscle doing the cha cha slide.

On to the main reason for my post, today’s drink comes from the luck of the Irish. Don’t go kissing anybody but you can share a Lucky Leprechaun shot with them. It’s a fruity shot that a leprechaun might enjoy on a Tropical beach vacation (pre-quarantine of course). Part coconut, part pineapple, part rum…all good.

March 18, 2020 Congratulations! If you are reading this you have survived Day 3 of Quarantine. (Let’s begin with some sage advice; if you are pregnant right now or in the near future please don’t name your baby Corona or Quarantini or the like. Just don’t.) I don’t know about you but the wheels are starting to come off. I filed a grievance with HR (aka me) against my daughter for taking off her bra mid-lesson and having a meltdown during bath. Unacceptable! Today, we learned our lessons via chrome book and iPad. My personal favorite was teaching math and fine motor skills with wine corks. I’ve been waiting for this moment to shine. I’ve been preparing for this for quite awhile.

I can’t leave without the drink of the day. Let’s go with a light, buttery Chardonnay. It’s crisp with notes of pear and is a tribute to the warming weather. Stay safe. No really, stay safe. If necessary lock yourself in the bathroom. They eventually find you but you can usually have a few minutes of solitude.

March 19, 2020 Congratulations! If you are reading this, you have survived Day 4 of Quarantine. I know this is hard to fathom but we haven’t even made it through a whole week yet. Katie kept her clothes on but she drew on my arm, licked me, and reset the fridge somehow to make it ask for my USB? Jokes on me cuz I barely know what that means and I certainly didn’t think my fridge was smarter than me…than I?? So glad I’m homeschooling since I barely have any brain cells left.

Nathan is kinda enjoying this homeschooling. He told me this morning he didn’t have time to talk because he had a meeting. Well, la tee da. Go to your meeting. I have to admit not having to wake up with the chickens has not been terrible. It’s been kinda nice to have the kids playing together. I heard them cracking up and Katie was knocking on his door. He would answer and then pretend to fart on her Hey, they were out of my hair for a bit so fart away kids. Drink of the day, Corona. A nice cold beer is always a great choice.

March 20, 2020 Congratulations! If you are reading this, you have survived Day 5 of the Quarantine. So how’s it going? I’m still feeling this whole thing out. In only a matter of 10 minutes with both kids up, Katie had Nathan in a chokehold. It was a day of stop-touching- your-brother. Please don’t lick me. Put that down. Don’t eat the play doh. Don’t say mommy. Stop saying mommy. After saying Mommy 4,347 times and having a meltdown, I made her take a nap. That’s right. Homeschool boss says nap time is on the schedule today.

In other very exciting news, I told Nathan he could sleep in a bit but as the hour approached 10am I went to wake him. His entire floor was covered in LEGO’s and he’s sound asleep. He takes after me and walks in his sleep. He didn’t remember a thing. That poor boy gets all of my worst traits On the bright side he has been building all day. The drink of the day is one of my personal favorites the Moscow mule. Ginger beer, lime juice and vodka.

March 23, 2020 Congratulations if you are reading this you have survived Day 1 of week two Quarantine. I’m not gonna keep up with consecutive days at this point because this may go on for who knows how long. Plus, I don’t want to be like one of those moms you meet at the bus stop that tells you little Joey is 47 months old. I’m like

uh…does he still poop his diaper or is he in grad school cuz I don’t really like math.

Heee heee, you’re so funny. No, silly he’s…..Stop.

Nevermind. Stop talking. We can’t be friends. Go away. I’m an introvert.

The governor announced school is out until May 15th. MAY FIFTEENTH Twenty Twenty. Remember when we were all like “yay 2020 is gonna rock! It’s like a totally new decade.” Totally, dude. Well, we were wrong. Giddy up, cuz it just got real y’all. Today was similar to last week but in the next few days virtual learning is going to ramp up. Nathan has been building with legos all day and Katie has asked for snacks all day. I’m not your personal chef. Ok, actually I am.

Nathan did a great job playing with her this morning. He connects his phone to her radio Bluetooth and they have a dance party. He made her a “Katie’s Quarantine Playlist” full of Cha cha slide, the chicken dance, and Who let the dogs out?. She is having a tough time because she loves to go. Anywhere. But she can’t. The best part of her day was getting to FaceTime with her Pastor Paul.

Stay safe out there. Who am I kidding? Stay safe IN there. Remember how cute they were as babies? It’s not luck, it’s science. It’s so you don’t eat your young.

March 24, 2020 Congratulations! If you are reading this, you have survived Day 2 of your second week of Quarantine. A Stay-at-home order was announced today for us here in NC for 21 days. Basically, the things you are already doing as suggested are now required. Oh snap. For me personally, as long as I can get to my prescriptions, groceries, doctor appointments, and my booze….I’m golden. Which has me thinking about a little game…Would you rather…be quarantined for 6 months or do a week of hard time?….a week on Naked and Afraid….live vegan for a year….move to a tiny house …..shave your eyebrows. Honestly, I could do this all night. The drink of the day is one of my favorite red wines Apothic Inferno. (Message me for my address for your shipping ease) It’s aged in whisky barrels for 60 days.

March 25, 2020 Congratulations! If you are reading this you have survived Week 2, Day 3 of Quarantine. Just when I thought Katie and I were getting into a groove, she didn’t want to learn squat today. Oh well, I’m not a miracle worker. There was also a lot of “don’t throw your placemat on the floor”, “don’t touch your brother”, “don’t lick me”, “no more snacks”, “can we learn something today”. At one point she got out the microphone and sang the National Anthem at the top of her lungs then pretended she was an announcer. Please welcome….. Mommy!!!! WHOOOOHOOOO! Please welcome Bubby!!! YAYYYYY!!! She may have a career as a game show host.

So, I got out today. It was legal. I went to CVS and the drive thru was ridiculous so I went inside and braved the world. The entire floor was taped out by six feet sections. So we all stood on our spaces and moved forward pace by pace. We wore masks. We didn’t speak. We looked at the floor….at our squares. It felt very Hunger Games. On a good note, the weather was great today so I took a nice walk in the neighborhood. I saw some comforting sights. There were women jogging in sync six feet apart of course, two guys were siting on a porch playing the guitar, and families were out riding bikes and coloring the sidewalks with chalk. Stay the course. Hoping and praying this is all over soon. Tonight – drink of your choosing. Choose well.

March 26, 2020Congratulations! If you are reading this you have survived Week 2, Day 4 of Quarantine. I still haven’t quite accepted this new normal yet here we are. Katie had a more productive day so that is a plus. We worked on writing skills and math. Nathan even did some teaching. He taught her to say coronavirus. There was a lot of giggling so I don’t think much was accomplished but I was able to get a few things done.

Highlight of the day – I scored some toilet paper and one roll of paper towels I was beginning to think the USA was all out. I was secretly cursing all the hoarders with runny do-do. I’m not proud. It’s as if the universe is telling us Sorry, folks, stay home and now you shall be homesteaders. Buy a cow, build a coup for some chickens , plant a garden, hunt, gather…make fire ! Wash clothes in the river? See, I’m set up to fail already. I don’t hunt or gather. I can not keep plants alive much less a garden. I can barely sew on a button. I got nothin’. No useful skills. I don’t want to live in the 1900’s I need my instapot and my air fryer and my washer and dryer!! I like running water and food from the store AND toilet paper. And TargetI want to live back in days when this great nation under God had TOILET PAPER Pity party over. Are you wearing purple today? Today is National Epilepsy Awareness Day. Knock on wood but we have been in the process of increasing one of Katie’s seizure medications over the last 3 weeks and we are seeing improvement

March 30, 2020 Congratulations! If you are reading this, you have entered your 3rd week of Quarantine. How’s everyone doing? The Bradley home is taking it day by day. We are actually experts at that. I’ve learned with Katie to get some learning in right after breakfast before we start annoying the living daylights out of each other. Even then she has a very short attention span. After two worksheets she informed me “all done homework, good job Katie”.

I’ve just given in to letting her eat the limited edition Mickey Mouse goldfish for breakfast every day. Whatever. She really thinks I’m her personal chef. Even when I’m trying to be patient and do as I’m told she plays games with me. Katie, do you want a sandwich? No, pizza (bakes pizza) Here’s your pizza. No fanks.. WHAT?? Want ham-anger with cheese and goldfish.

Today I have uttered the phrases, I’m telling Dad!!!!!!, Do not lick me!!!, and Keep your shirt on!!! As a sidebar, we are all about to find out just how ugly we are. In a few more weeks, I’m gonna see what my natural hair color is….haven’t seen it in about 20 years so this could get interesting. Stay safe out there. Drink of the day, margarita – no salt!

April 3, 2020 Let’s do this. If you are reading this, you have survived week 3 of Quarantine. I’m aiming for weekly posts at this point. My life is not that exciting these days. How is everyone doing? You know what you get after spending a hour and a half cleaning the blinds and windows in ONE room? Nothing. It’s pretty much unsatisfying and thankless. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. None of the neighbors are walking by saying “hey, have you seen the Bradley’s blinds?” Nope.

Pretty much same routine around here. Trying to feed and educate the young. I’m starting to lose track of time. I think we finally made it to April. January…. ah January. A time of renewal and self reflection. I went on two trips in January. Life was looking good. March came and I joined a gym and worked out everyday for two weeks. Then it all went to hell.

Grandma, tell us again about the time someone got cooties and breathed on everyone. Remember? Lots of people got sick so the King said everyone should stay home and grow their own food but not to worry because America was great. (But conveniently some of the king’s men sold off some stock right before the cooties came to America) Then mommy went crazy because she was tired of zoom meetings and teaching us and then the world ran out of toilet paper??? Remember, Grandma?? Please tell us again.

So I’ve been wondering this week. What are our hygiene requirements? Other than washing our hands? Do I have to wear real clothes? Shave? One thing I know, we are all gonna be looking a bit rough by the time this is over. I’ve decided to start training Katie to cut hair. She needs to start earning her keep anyway. Stayed tuned. Let us know if you need a trim. Stay safe. Drink of the day is vodka and soda. Stop wasting my time.

May 1, 2020 Alright it’s been a bit so let’s get to it. If you are reading this you have survived week…ugh..47 of your Quarantine? I have lost track but consider yourselves survivors. How is everyone? I’m doing Friday night right now. This includes a coloring book, wine, Naked and Afraid (don’t judge you know I have a weird obsession), then it will be time for Dateline. My goal in life right now is to eat Mexican food in a real restaurant. That’s it. I promise I will never say it’s too people-y outside ever again.

Tonight’s post is in honor of my sweet son Nathan. We have been learning life skills during these quarantine days. Lord knows I don’t do math so I shall teach him how to remove a stain or make meatloaf. He’s been doing yard work, dishes, and laundry. He’s helped Billy work on the roof of our deck and paint. This process has made me chuckle for sure. Let me tell you it’s an open slate to work with.

I’ll leave you with this: a lesson in laundry. Nathan has been doing his laundry for a couple weeks. This has included his sister’s laundry. Not because I asked him to but because he is emotionally intelligent enough to know that she can’t do her own laundry and it would be helpful to me if he took that over. He called out to me yesterday from the laundry room and said “now I know what these slits are for”. He had freshly folded and hung all of Katie’s sports bras on hangers. It was all I could do not to laugh. Yes, sweet boy, that’s what those slits could be for. Drink of the night is a shot of vodka. (in freezer on the second shelf)

May 8th, 2020 Congratulations! If you are reading this you have survived 60 days of Coronavirus Quarantine. First off, I’m sorry for what I said under quarantine arrest. I promise to go back to puppies and rainbows and that one sparkly unicorn You know that one with the glitter that shoots right out of his butt. Yup.

Starting…tomorrow tonight I’m still feeling blah about all this so here you go.Are you ready for normal? I am. Things are going to start loosening up soon in NC but I must admit it doesn’t make a lot of sense. Malls are going to open. I’m not sure how different this is from shopping at Walmart or Target which have been open. I don’t get it….but I could get a spray tan if I wanted to but I can’t get my haircut in my tiny, one room salon with just me and my hairdresser.

Again, many of you are ready for normal. Bless your hearts. That’s adorable. By the end of the week you will be assigned to your Hunger Games District. There are 12 districts in total…well actually 13 but that’s a long story. From the top, District 1 makes luxury items for the Capital so they are deemed to be important and are the wealthiest. District 2 manufactures weapons and are also upperclass. Moving down the line, the lower districts include District 11 with agriculture and District 12 is coal. Yep, you guessed it; your class rank and wealth are pretty much squat by the time you get to the Coal District. Sorry Charlie, you get what you get and you don’t pitch a fit. If you would like to express a concern about your given District, please contact…..ugh.. the man…woman in charge….I’m sure they/them can help. Eh, I don’t know. Pick a pronoun and hope for the best. Its really gonna suck if no one is in charge or knows anything but I’m sure it’s fine.

Good luck, friends. May the odds be in your favor. To all the beautiful mamas out there, Happy Mother’s Day It may look different this year. Gosh, I hope we don’t have to shop for and cook our own dinner. Eh, sorry. This may not be your best Mother’s Day but it will be……Okay-ish. Yay you! Have more vodka… make it a double.